Raian's Birth Story
Hello :)
It's been a minute . Took me long enough to publish this onto my blog because I wasn't sure if I wanted this to be apart of where I share my memories permanently but whatever has happened was not in any of our control. Raian's arrival deserved to be celebrated regardless.
Forewarning: it ain't all that happy or in my opinion , at all .
Let's go .
If you've been actively following the Raibois' Instagram account, you would have known that Raiden got covid on 13th March and I tested positive as well 2 days later , on my EDD ; and that I got admitted for to check if Raian was doing ok in my belly .
So when I went to get my PCR done at the GP because I know I would have to head to the hospital soon since I missed my final appointments due to Raiden being C+ . What I was told at the GP was that the hospital would have to check if we were okay and if I was in going into labour , I would have to deliver alone and be separated from my newborn till I was C- , which would be about a week . Of course , I was devastated and praying to every god that I'd be fine. Called the hubs and we made arrangements to head down to NUH A&E on 15th March . I packed a week's worth of things because the GP said just in case.
We reached the hospital at about 4.30pm and I was given a bed at the isolation area outside the A&E at about 4.45pm , to wait for O&G doctor to access me and for a bed to be available .
At 5.49pm , O&G doctor came and gave me an ultrasound on Raian . She showed me that his heart was beating fine and told me he was healthy but I still had to be warded for a day or two for monitoring and if I was okay , I could be sent home . We also discussed induction , in the case where Raian doesn't come out within the week , I could walk into Clinic G on 22 March to get induced. I agreed happily because I was so worried I had to be induced on that day itself or get a Caesarean . She also informed me that they would send someone down with a fetal monitor , I'm still guessing it's to see if had any contractions and if the baby was ok in me . Waited till 10.32pm before someone from the labour ward came and strap the monitor on me till 11.30pm . All these hours I was there sweating as it was warm , with a fan next to me that they didn't plug in, no rest as I was wearing a maternity dress , thinking it would be cold , but too warm to cover but too short to sleep peacefully in . No dinner , no food , no water . Hubs had to get me dinner from Kent Ridge Wing .
After the nurse took off the monitor , she very kindly helped me plug in the fan that was next to me so I finally felt better and could tolerate the wait till 1am , when they finally have a bed for me . At the common covid ward , when I was told I would be warded with other Covid positive pregnant women :") but I waited 8 hours for this , too tired to care and praying I won't be staying for long .
Before I could get myself changed or get anything out from my bags , I was told they had to put the monitor on me again . This was 1.18am on 16 March now . I was pissed because I was exhausted from the insanely long wait , now cold because of the fan above my head and simply wanted to get out of my dress . Which I may add , usually when warded , the bed would come with gowns to change into and water , minimally but I didn't have any and had to ask for it . The nurse then freaking gave me a size XL or even bigger but I just wanted to change soo I didn't bother requesting for an exchange in size but hell . It was fokin loose . Not sure what went through her head to get me such a ridiculous size . It was about 1.50am when I could get changed and wash up for bed . Settled that and 2.15am , they tell me need to draw blood . Fine . Get it over and done with so I can sleep . Only managed to sleep by 3am because the routine BP and temperature check was being done and I wanted to do mine before sleeping but turns out I didn't need because they took it at 1am plus when I was strapped to the monitor .
At 9am , I was woken up by 3 doctors , which initially I thought was 2 doctors and a nurse lol . They asked me some questions about my pregnancies and the 2 male doctors left so the female one could do a cervical check on me. During the check , as uncomfortable as it is already , I felt her push me from the insides , to my right and left . It was so uncomfortable that I was trying to scoot up my bed and I was grabbing the rails . Note again , I . JUST . WOKE . UP . In the midst of it , she told me ," it's going to be a bit uncomfortable because I'm stretching your cervix .: Didn't fucking register what she said because I assume as a nurse, she would know what's best for me . After that , she left and I cleaned up , texted hubs and headed to the toilet with my toiletries to wash up . I felt heavier below but thought nothing about it and had breakfast . After breakfast , I went to the toilet again because I felt uncomfy down there and I saw brown discharge . I started panicking but I calmed myself down because I don't want to stress and birth too early right . Told the hubs I was tired and went back to catch some more sleep . At this point , it was about 11ish AM and before I slept , I was told an ambulance will be coming to take me home at 1.30pm . I acknowledged, texted hubs and slept . At about 1pm, the nurses woke me up to prepare for the ambulance to take me home and I got up to change. About 1.30pm, the ambulance came and I don't understand why but I needed to be wheeled up because I was 40 weeks pregnant but I had to walk all the way to the ambulance this time , with my 1 week worth of stuffs . Honestly felt like this part sped up my labour lol . Anyways , I got home about 2.15pm and I was so happy to see my family . My mum came down to help with the stuffs , since she's the only C- person then . Thereafter , she went out to run some errands and I unpacked what I packed extra into my intended delivery bag (I planned to go light lol) and all that happened while hubs battled with roaches because we were C+ and did not go out ; hence not see the notice on fogging that was happening that day . After what seemed like forever , it was about 4pm and coast was clear for me to go shower . I did . I went to pee first because I last peed in the morning , and I saw my mucous plug dropped . I panicked . Quick shower , told my hubs and prayed . I asked on mummy's FB group how long did mummies go into labour after their mucous plug dropped and some mummies said they took up to a week but mostly said days . Deep down , I know mine will be fast because of how fast I gave birth to Raiden but you could say I was praying for a different outcome .
Dinner was about 7pm and I barely ate . Took me till 11pm to finish my dinner because I couldn't eat with the on and off contractions that I was trying to convince myself was nothing and my anxiety . Went to bed at about 1am and kept being woken up by the on and off contractions . About 7am , I told hubs I can't hold anymore . The contractions are too frequent and I told him to called the hospital because the doctor , whom I thought was a nurse , stretched my cervix which I did not consent to , lead to this . I wanted something to stop the contractions and they told me I had to go in to the hospital for it and I gave in because the contractions was too regular .
Hubs called for the ambulance to bring me in and they came pretty quickly . Mum saw me off and they monitored my contractions which at that point was about one and a half minutes long, 7 minutes apart . I was wheeled into by the back and into some isolated labour ward . I was given a cervical check and was told I was 7cm . Note that this whole time , they had no sense of urgency , considering I called in and told them about the situation and asked for the contractions to be STOPPED (tbh I knew it wasn't really possible but fuck I didn't asked to be induced right).
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Everything up till this point was written fresh. Last edited was 15 November 2022. I chose not to continue writing or posting because I was very emotional with what happened. Iirc , I was crying already when I finished the last sentence above . Reading it again , brings back all the unpleasant memories .
Raian is 2 years, 3 months old (in 3 days). So let's get this done, summarised mostly . Because I cannot remember the full details anymore and I don't want to dig my history .
At the hospital , I cried and screamed . I curse . I called my husband . I wanted to go home . They said I cannot because I'm already 7cm dilated . No longer very clear on this part . Had a long call with my husband and made a lot of noise , they eventually agreed to let my C- mum to come down and accompany me for my labour . Which till date , I think is a stupid move because instead of sending my C+ husband to be with me . They have records of my mother's heart attack , since she was admitted there , then . They also required her to double mask , which makes it difficult to breathe for her . Absolute dumb call .
Regardless , my mum came . She sat in those moving stools with no back rest for 6 hours at least . She rest her head on the bed because she was tired . Somewhere around 4.30pm , the doctor came back to check on me the 2nd time and asked if I wanted to burst my waterbag , because I have been stagnant at 7cm . I agreed because even though I knew Raian doesn't want to come out , I don't want my mum to stay here any longer , and I couldn't take the fatigue anymore . I have been trying to burst the water bag by pushing but he really didn't let me . Throughout , he also held himself on my upper left quadrant , so I was quite sore there . I also tried talking to him but he only responded by moving when I asked him to , so I know he is safe in there .
When the doctor stuck her hand in , the water bag burst immediately and I asked her how long more , she said at least a few hours . I told her , nope he is coming (something along the lines) , but she left anyway . I called my husband , and within 15 minutes , I was shouting at the baby monitor already , because the contractions were intense and I was pushing . The nurse kept shouting at me not to , and she barely had time to wear her PPE . She made it just in time for the final 2 pushes and Raian was out .
The doctor strolled in and took her time to come in , delivered my placenta and cleaned me . Asked if I wanted to stitch because it was only a small tear , only 1 or 2 stitches is required . I said no need even though the nurse said I should (stitching is more painful because the needle punctures the skin to thread through , creating more wounds) . I felt no soreness or pain by day 2.
My mum held and kissed Raian (I told her not to but she couldn't help it) , and finally consented to going home by approximately 7pm.
I was given a private ward shortly.
On the very night , I didn't get to sleep because Raian kept crying , finally got a nap somewhere around 1pm the next day . I spent a lot of time on my phone , coaxing and enjoying the view . I was given containers to store expressed colustrum , I pumped every night so Raiden has milk to drink , and was given formula which I did not use .
On the 2nd night , I felt depressed . I called my husband and 3am and cried . I hated Raian's birthday because I worked so hard to keep telling him to stay till Raiden's birthday and it was all ruined by the doctor's ignorance . Cord blood and lining could not be kept as well , because of covid . Which really added because I wanted Raian to have everything Raiden had .
I cried , a lot . Begging for him to try to change Raian's birthday . Ridiculous , I know how it sounds , but yes , that was how desperate I was . He agreed he would try and I hear he is tired and sleepy so I hung up . I was still crying and I wanted to hurt myself . So I called for a nurse to talk to . A filipino nurse came in and she was very kind to sit with me for 3 hours , talking to me , listening , and reassuring that I am a good mother regardless . She shared that she misses her family too because of covid , and a frontliner , she cannot go home to visit . That made me realise that what happened to me seems very minute compared to what's going on in the world . I felt better and Raian was a good boy , he slept throughout my cries and only woke up for milk at is 3 hour mark .
I apologised and thanked her many many times , she kept assuring me that it was fine and she had nothing much to do outside so she was more than happy to come talk to me . I did not get her name amidst my mental chaos , but I am very grateful for her company and will forever be indebted to her kindness .
When she was leaving , I requested for milo , biscuits and water because I cried too much and too long . She sent them over promptly and checked in on me if I was feeling better . I told her I am , thanks to her . This was till 6.30am .
At 7am , I ate my biscuits , milo and looked out at the view one more time because it was going home day . I remember looking back at Raian and just appreciating what a bundle of cuteness he was , and I wanted to go back home to Raiden .
I did file a formal complain and tried to see the MP , but was told nothing could be done because baby and I were healthy . NUH PR also reached out after to request for a zoom meeting , so the doctor can apologise to me , but I rejected because I was very emotional . They left the option open and told me anytime I want the zoom , they could conduct it as the doctor wants to apologise to me . It never happened . In my opinion , it was just a PR stunt . They are lucky I don't want to fight a lawsuit that can go on for 1.5 years . If she really wanted to apologise , they have my address , they also know when I would be back at the hospital for my 6 weeks check . I was also in 2 days after being discharged because Raian's jaundice was too high . They could have dropped by but they didn't.
I lost trust and faith in NUH since this matter . No doubt they have great doctors and nurses , and if I were pregnant again , I would still go to NUH for convenience .
The difference is now , I check the name of the doctors , I make sure I understand what is being done to me first , and I understand that I have the rights to consent and reject any procedure .
To those that were waiting for this to be posted , I'm sorry it took so long and I hope you understand it takes time to recover from trauma . May my lesson be valuable to all mummies having babies soon . You have every right to reject procedures , and trust . your . guts .
Till next post , xx
Hubs called for the ambulance to bring me in and they came pretty quickly . Mum saw me off and they monitored my contractions which at that point was about one and a half minutes long, 7 minutes apart . I was wheeled into by the back and into some isolated labour ward . I was given a cervical check and was told I was 7cm . Note that this whole time , they had no sense of urgency , considering I called in and told them about the situation and asked for the contractions to be STOPPED (tbh I knew it wasn't really possible but fuck I didn't asked to be induced right).
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Everything up till this point was written fresh. Last edited was 15 November 2022. I chose not to continue writing or posting because I was very emotional with what happened. Iirc , I was crying already when I finished the last sentence above . Reading it again , brings back all the unpleasant memories .
Raian is 2 years, 3 months old (in 3 days). So let's get this done, summarised mostly . Because I cannot remember the full details anymore and I don't want to dig my history .
At the hospital , I cried and screamed . I curse . I called my husband . I wanted to go home . They said I cannot because I'm already 7cm dilated . No longer very clear on this part . Had a long call with my husband and made a lot of noise , they eventually agreed to let my C- mum to come down and accompany me for my labour . Which till date , I think is a stupid move because instead of sending my C+ husband to be with me . They have records of my mother's heart attack , since she was admitted there , then . They also required her to double mask , which makes it difficult to breathe for her . Absolute dumb call .
Regardless , my mum came . She sat in those moving stools with no back rest for 6 hours at least . She rest her head on the bed because she was tired . Somewhere around 4.30pm , the doctor came back to check on me the 2nd time and asked if I wanted to burst my waterbag , because I have been stagnant at 7cm . I agreed because even though I knew Raian doesn't want to come out , I don't want my mum to stay here any longer , and I couldn't take the fatigue anymore . I have been trying to burst the water bag by pushing but he really didn't let me . Throughout , he also held himself on my upper left quadrant , so I was quite sore there . I also tried talking to him but he only responded by moving when I asked him to , so I know he is safe in there .
When the doctor stuck her hand in , the water bag burst immediately and I asked her how long more , she said at least a few hours . I told her , nope he is coming (something along the lines) , but she left anyway . I called my husband , and within 15 minutes , I was shouting at the baby monitor already , because the contractions were intense and I was pushing . The nurse kept shouting at me not to , and she barely had time to wear her PPE . She made it just in time for the final 2 pushes and Raian was out .
The doctor strolled in and took her time to come in , delivered my placenta and cleaned me . Asked if I wanted to stitch because it was only a small tear , only 1 or 2 stitches is required . I said no need even though the nurse said I should (stitching is more painful because the needle punctures the skin to thread through , creating more wounds) . I felt no soreness or pain by day 2.
My mum held and kissed Raian (I told her not to but she couldn't help it) , and finally consented to going home by approximately 7pm.
I was given a private ward shortly.
On the very night , I didn't get to sleep because Raian kept crying , finally got a nap somewhere around 1pm the next day . I spent a lot of time on my phone , coaxing and enjoying the view . I was given containers to store expressed colustrum , I pumped every night so Raiden has milk to drink , and was given formula which I did not use .
On the 2nd night , I felt depressed . I called my husband and 3am and cried . I hated Raian's birthday because I worked so hard to keep telling him to stay till Raiden's birthday and it was all ruined by the doctor's ignorance . Cord blood and lining could not be kept as well , because of covid . Which really added because I wanted Raian to have everything Raiden had .
I cried , a lot . Begging for him to try to change Raian's birthday . Ridiculous , I know how it sounds , but yes , that was how desperate I was . He agreed he would try and I hear he is tired and sleepy so I hung up . I was still crying and I wanted to hurt myself . So I called for a nurse to talk to . A filipino nurse came in and she was very kind to sit with me for 3 hours , talking to me , listening , and reassuring that I am a good mother regardless . She shared that she misses her family too because of covid , and a frontliner , she cannot go home to visit . That made me realise that what happened to me seems very minute compared to what's going on in the world . I felt better and Raian was a good boy , he slept throughout my cries and only woke up for milk at is 3 hour mark .
I apologised and thanked her many many times , she kept assuring me that it was fine and she had nothing much to do outside so she was more than happy to come talk to me . I did not get her name amidst my mental chaos , but I am very grateful for her company and will forever be indebted to her kindness .
When she was leaving , I requested for milo , biscuits and water because I cried too much and too long . She sent them over promptly and checked in on me if I was feeling better . I told her I am , thanks to her . This was till 6.30am .
At 7am , I ate my biscuits , milo and looked out at the view one more time because it was going home day . I remember looking back at Raian and just appreciating what a bundle of cuteness he was , and I wanted to go back home to Raiden .
I did file a formal complain and tried to see the MP , but was told nothing could be done because baby and I were healthy . NUH PR also reached out after to request for a zoom meeting , so the doctor can apologise to me , but I rejected because I was very emotional . They left the option open and told me anytime I want the zoom , they could conduct it as the doctor wants to apologise to me . It never happened . In my opinion , it was just a PR stunt . They are lucky I don't want to fight a lawsuit that can go on for 1.5 years . If she really wanted to apologise , they have my address , they also know when I would be back at the hospital for my 6 weeks check . I was also in 2 days after being discharged because Raian's jaundice was too high . They could have dropped by but they didn't.
I lost trust and faith in NUH since this matter . No doubt they have great doctors and nurses , and if I were pregnant again , I would still go to NUH for convenience .
The difference is now , I check the name of the doctors , I make sure I understand what is being done to me first , and I understand that I have the rights to consent and reject any procedure .
To those that were waiting for this to be posted , I'm sorry it took so long and I hope you understand it takes time to recover from trauma . May my lesson be valuable to all mummies having babies soon . You have every right to reject procedures , and trust . your . guts .
Till next post , xx
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