December 2019
From wanting to pen a lengthy instagram post to a rollercoster of emotions .
Still feels extremely surreal that everything (the pregnancy announcement and marriage) happened and is now over . What's left is the wait to enter motherhood .
Tying the knot
I must admit that lifestyle after marriage doesn't feel much of a difference except the amount of messages we are getting from people to congratulate us and the status . My husband is really happy to call me his wife , I find it really cute haha .
As much as being a married couple does not feel much different , I still constantly remind myself that I've entered a different chapter of my life , a whole new milestone . I can no longer play or enjoy things people around my age do and I honestly never did , pregnant and married or not . I felt like I skipped the fun part haha . I also feel more responsible of my husband , be it wellbeing or whatsoever , and being a more reserved person (contradicting since I put most of these stuffs online but I'm just saying , I'm proud of who I am and whatever happened helped me grow . Bad times are still a lesson worth to remember .) , I have really high walls and only a couple of my super extremely close friends know who I am really like , along with the woman who gave me life , and now , I must learn to confide and let my guards down for my own husband . Something I should have done before signing the papers but it isn't easy and I'm still trying .
We went through a hell lot just to hold this small scale wedding and honestly , till this very moment , I still feel like I couldn't have asked for more . It was perfect and throughout the process , I really could see how much my husband wanted this and how much he loved me .
The process of all these , I felt , also made me grew up even more . I never had anything easy all these while , but I do have a very supporting and loving family . The whole planning and announcing came with many unpleasant disagreements . Despite everything , I'm really thankful for my family , best friends and husband for what they did for me . The best kind of support is and always will be emotionally .
December
Sitting down and thinking back , for the past years , I've always hated Decembers . I cried most during this month .
Being someone who is extremely sentimental and sensitive , I remember dates rather well , especially the second half of the year . I remember over the years , in decembers , I've been cheated on in both of my longest relationships , did a thing I regretted most and will still regret my entire life . I had many heart breaks and drama in the month of December and I truly hated this very month . I always call it "my worst month of the year" . Yet this very year , before the decade ends , I entered a different stage of my life . Marriage .
When I met and got close to my husband , in the beginning , I knew that he loves me and have saw me as a potential life partner . Not that he doesn't now , he better not . 🤣 I wasn't afraid to share my stories especially because I wasn't looking for anything serious this year (what a joke but it was true) , I wanted to focus on finishing my HNitec and moving on to poly before I started dating again . Which was a 2 years break , also to find myself back after how broken I realise I was over these assholes who couldn't love me right . He knew my stories and still wanted to be with me . He was ever so determine to make my everyday better than I ever had . He is patient and loving since the very beginning .
He is the reason , I no longer say December is bad .
If December is so bad for you , why did you still choose your wedding day to be in December ?
Honestly , I initially wanted 12 of October bc 12 and 10 has always been my favourite numbers respectively , BUT . One of my ex decided to make me his gf on that day AND despite knowing that we wouldn't last , I said yes . So ya , the relationship was really torturing and the day gradually became really bad for me .
Also , we sat on my pregnancy news for awhile and broke the news too late . So there was alot of hooha and it couldn't have been done in Oct anyways .
Lastly , I had a slight hope that it would make December different for me . Which I safely say , it did .
To my husband
On top of our vows , I still have so much to say to you .
I honestly don't feel like I say this enough but thank you .
Thank you for everything you have done for me to this day and still doing . Thank you for being so kind to me and loving me .
Thank you for committing to me and our baby boy .
You make my every dream come true and my nightmares disappear . You make me realise that I am worth to be loved right and I was just as much of a queen I see myself to be . You were the king I was looking for . You set the bar so high honestly , I don't even know that someone could do so much for a person they love . I am truly thankful for you each and everyday .
You make me feel so blissful everyday and I promise , for the rest of our lives , I will do my best to make you feel the same . I promise to lay my heart in the palm of your hands .
I promise you , me .
Still feels extremely surreal that everything (the pregnancy announcement and marriage) happened and is now over . What's left is the wait to enter motherhood .
Tying the knot
I must admit that lifestyle after marriage doesn't feel much of a difference except the amount of messages we are getting from people to congratulate us and the status . My husband is really happy to call me his wife , I find it really cute haha .
As much as being a married couple does not feel much different , I still constantly remind myself that I've entered a different chapter of my life , a whole new milestone . I can no longer play or enjoy things people around my age do and I honestly never did , pregnant and married or not . I felt like I skipped the fun part haha . I also feel more responsible of my husband , be it wellbeing or whatsoever , and being a more reserved person (contradicting since I put most of these stuffs online but I'm just saying , I'm proud of who I am and whatever happened helped me grow . Bad times are still a lesson worth to remember .) , I have really high walls and only a couple of my super extremely close friends know who I am really like , along with the woman who gave me life , and now , I must learn to confide and let my guards down for my own husband . Something I should have done before signing the papers but it isn't easy and I'm still trying .
We went through a hell lot just to hold this small scale wedding and honestly , till this very moment , I still feel like I couldn't have asked for more . It was perfect and throughout the process , I really could see how much my husband wanted this and how much he loved me .
The process of all these , I felt , also made me grew up even more . I never had anything easy all these while , but I do have a very supporting and loving family . The whole planning and announcing came with many unpleasant disagreements . Despite everything , I'm really thankful for my family , best friends and husband for what they did for me . The best kind of support is and always will be emotionally .
December
Sitting down and thinking back , for the past years , I've always hated Decembers . I cried most during this month .
Being someone who is extremely sentimental and sensitive , I remember dates rather well , especially the second half of the year . I remember over the years , in decembers , I've been cheated on in both of my longest relationships , did a thing I regretted most and will still regret my entire life . I had many heart breaks and drama in the month of December and I truly hated this very month . I always call it "my worst month of the year" . Yet this very year , before the decade ends , I entered a different stage of my life . Marriage .
When I met and got close to my husband , in the beginning , I knew that he loves me and have saw me as a potential life partner . Not that he doesn't now , he better not . 🤣 I wasn't afraid to share my stories especially because I wasn't looking for anything serious this year (what a joke but it was true) , I wanted to focus on finishing my HNitec and moving on to poly before I started dating again . Which was a 2 years break , also to find myself back after how broken I realise I was over these assholes who couldn't love me right . He knew my stories and still wanted to be with me . He was ever so determine to make my everyday better than I ever had . He is patient and loving since the very beginning .
He is the reason , I no longer say December is bad .
If December is so bad for you , why did you still choose your wedding day to be in December ?
Honestly , I initially wanted 12 of October bc 12 and 10 has always been my favourite numbers respectively , BUT . One of my ex decided to make me his gf on that day AND despite knowing that we wouldn't last , I said yes . So ya , the relationship was really torturing and the day gradually became really bad for me .
Also , we sat on my pregnancy news for awhile and broke the news too late . So there was alot of hooha and it couldn't have been done in Oct anyways .
Lastly , I had a slight hope that it would make December different for me . Which I safely say , it did .
To my husband
On top of our vows , I still have so much to say to you .
I honestly don't feel like I say this enough but thank you .
Thank you for everything you have done for me to this day and still doing . Thank you for being so kind to me and loving me .
Thank you for committing to me and our baby boy .
You make my every dream come true and my nightmares disappear . You make me realise that I am worth to be loved right and I was just as much of a queen I see myself to be . You were the king I was looking for . You set the bar so high honestly , I don't even know that someone could do so much for a person they love . I am truly thankful for you each and everyday .
You make me feel so blissful everyday and I promise , for the rest of our lives , I will do my best to make you feel the same . I promise to lay my heart in the palm of your hands .
I promise you , me .
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